What do you want to be when you grow up?

If you asked my daughter right now, she would tell you that she wants to be a chef and a teacher. She always talks about how I am always in the kitchen and how I love to cook. Actually, just a month or so ago, I was down bad with the flu and my sour patch kid of a daughter begged me if she could be my little helper. She wanted to help me with the laundry, wash the dishes for me, heck I think she would have cooked too if she knew how and if I would have let her. 

Speaking of, and taking a step away from the topic for a moment… Can we talk about how crazy it is that as parents we rarely ever, if ever, get breaks? I mean I really had a 103 degree temperature for 3 days, and had to muster up all of the energy I didn’t have to do something as trivial as make a Mac and cheese cup. Which consists of just adding water to a line, stirring, putting it in the microwave for 3:30, mixing the package of cheese in it, and stirring it up. And somehow, that little thing that I normally do without thinking, took every ounce of energy I didn’t have.

When I was a kid myself, and ever since and up until shortly after I had my daughter. If you asked me what it is that I wanted to do when I grew up, you would have heard me say that I wanted to become a doctor. Specifically an anesthesiologist. Hell, if someone asked me now if I wanted to be a doctor still. I would say “maybe not a doctor of medicine, but I would like one day to have my doctorate’s degree”. Fun fact about me, my last name is Osothsongkroh. From what I have been told my entire life, it means physician to the king in Thai. My mother’s father was Thai and that’s where it came from. I was told that it was given to one of my great, great, great ancestors who was the king’s physician, by the king of Thailand and has been passed down from generation to generation. One could say that it felt and feels like it’s a part of my destiny. One of those goals that I have to reach to live up to, in this case my name. I originally went off to college in the hopes of becoming one. 

Before I got pregnant with my daughter, I majored in Biology with a focus of medical sciences and minored in Chemistry and Psychology. I still graduated with my bachelor’s degree, just not the one I originally went for. You see after I had my daughter, my life changed and so did my priorities and goals. I now envisioned a different life. You see the life before I imagined, didn’t include having a child during my junior year of college at 20 years old, being a stay at home mom, or living in different countries in Europe off and on for 2-3 years. My priority became my family, and even still being present and involved in that family’s day-to-day. I surely, never imagined that I would today be a single mother. Physically, doing most everything on my own. Although, it may be more difficult being a single mother, my priority to be present is still the same.

What you may or may not know about me is that I was raised by a single mother. And what I remember most as a child about my mom was that she was always working. She was always busy. When she wasn’t busy working, don’t get me wrong, she made sure to make making memories with and for us a priority, even if it meant sending me away with her sister in California to do so. As a child, I don’t remember wondering what my mom would do during those times when I was away. As an adult now, I understand that she was doing what she was always doing… working. She never missed a beat when it came to work, her work ethic was incomparable, just like most single mothers I know… One thing about my mother, is she always made things happen. However, as I got older and stopped going to California with my aunt. I started realizing that’s all my mother did, was work. She had to miss my games, she was working when I got home, and as I got older when she wasn’t working, she was resting for when she had to work next. Now I know it wasn’t her fault, but for me as a then teenager who was coming into her own and figuring out the world, she was just never there. Not presently at least. 

My point of this, is that once I had my daughter, the more time I spent with her, the more I realized I had a new dream, a new goal, a new vision. Now that I was a ‘grown up’ (I chuckle as a I type), what I wanted to be when I grew up… was the best mother I could be. I wanted and want to be there for my daughter, I never want her to feel alone, I never want to miss anything I don’t have to, and wanted and want to be there to support her thru everything. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, and her normal day-to-day. Just the other day I was talking to my mom about how I am wanting to do more, maybe get a second job or just do something because whether we like to say it is or not, money does tend to make the world go round. Money is what pays for the roof over your head, the food in your belly, and most of the things that you do in life. I want to make memories with my daughter and show her the world, and that takes money.

 Luckily, I am blessed enough to have a great job that I get to work 100% remotely from home so I get to be a present mom and do a lot of those things already. My current job has been a blessing in more ways than one. Don’t get me wrong I definitely had to work my (excuse my language) ass off to get to where I am today in my career. After my daughter’s father and I broke up two years ago, I focused a lot of my time and energy into work and it’s nice to finally see the fruits of my labor. Honestly, I love my job and hope to still grow at the company I am at, while figuring out what it is that I want to do outside of it and/or in the future. Recently, I have actually considered getting another job to help me achieve some of the goals that I will maybe one day share with you all once I have achieved them, plus it’s not a bad thing to always want more for yourself and those around you. However, my mom made a valid point when we were talking about me getting another job and that is in order to do so I would have to make sacrifices elsewhere. And for the first time out loud I heard her, with sadness and regret in her voice, acknowledge that the sacrifice that she had to make for us to have what we needed was her time with us because in order to afford it as a single mother who had nobody else to fall back on, she had to work. And I am willing to compromise and sacrifice a lot of things, however, my little free time I do have with my daughter is not one of them. So, for now I am focusing on things I can do that won’t take away from that while appreciating the job I have now that affords me the ability to live comfortably with my daughter while being as present as possible as a full-time mother with a full-time career.

A lot of us have been told and taught to believe that in order for us to be a great parent, we have to always put our children first and though I agree with that to some degree. I wholeheartedly believe, that in order to be the best that we can be for our children, we have to be the best we can be for and to ourselves. Now that doesn’t mean to neglect your kids along the way, they should still be one of your top priorities. So, this is not to say put your kids and their wants and needs on the back burner. Children take a lot from you, your fears, anxiety, anger, depression, etc. I guess what I am trying to say is… If you’re unhappy, your kids will be able to not only tell, but possibly even internalize it. Which can affect how they view the world and handle things in their own life. Of course, we aren’t perfect, so don’t be too hard on yourself all the time. Give yourself some grace when needed, but know that we are setting examples for our kids. They are watching, and learning, and in order to teach them to love themselves we not only have to love them, but we have to love ourselves too. 

As far as we know, you only live once. So please, get that degree you’ve always wanted, chase that career you’ve always dreamt to have, have those necessary self care days, take care of yourself. Both your mental and physical health. Be grateful for what you have a long the way, heal what needs healing, and forgive yourself and those who have stood in front of your happiness… Be the best version of yourself and in return you will be the best you can be for your kids. Chase your dreams, know that they can change, things aren’t always black and white. Life can still be beautiful, but it is only what you make it. So, make the most out of it. I believe as a parent and a mother, one of my jobs is to be here to teach her right from wrong, and support her as she becomes who she is meant to be. I know one thing is for certain, I am looking forward to seeing what my daughter wants to do, how it may change as she gets older, and what she ends up doing. Whatever it is that she chooses to do, I hope it’s something that she can be proud of and that she loves doing. After all…

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” -E. E. Cummings

Questions I want you all to think about, ask and answer yourselves…. What did you want to be when you grew up? What did you grow up to be? What do you want to be (if you’re still working on it)? It’s okay to not have one answer, and also know defining what you want to do when you grow up does not always have to consist of having a career. I am starting to figure out for me personally, it is to have and be the family that I always wanted and to be happy with whatever I am doing. I have and am still learning how to appreciate the little things, while still working towards the bigger picture. 

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Thanks for reading, 

Tahlya Oso